A large proportion of the New Testament letters are written addressing these issues. Why ? Because they are fundamental to us, …..and because we struggle with them.
Even when we have become a Christian, we slip back into old ways of thinking.

Biblically, there are three ways you can live, possibly 4 if you’re a believing Jew.

By the Flesh, by the Law, by the Spirit…..by the Promise.

Where is this nation generally ?
Where are the people around you in day to day life ?
Most importantly at this moment, where are you ?

In our sinful nature we just want to do what we want, without caring about the consequences. People think they are free, but this way of living is incredibly destructive to themselves and to others.
And the conscience has to be denied and the heart hardened to continue to live this way.

Romans 2:12.
All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law.

Before Jesus death and resurrection the Jewish people were still under the law, and Jesus uses the law during His life on earth to show people their need of Him.

Galatians 4:3-7.
So also, when we were children, we were in slavery under the basic principles of the world. But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

God gave the law, not to save us, but to show us we need saving.
That’s why the law has a role in evangelism or pre-evangelism (Wesley).
The law shows us God’s standard, and unless we’re very proud, we soon realize that we can’t live up to it. That we’re in a mess. The law reveals sin and our guilt.

James 2:10,11.
For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.

Romans 3:19,20.
Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

The law shows us right and wrong, that there are absolutes, that God is holy.
It makes us aware of sin, and can actually spark us to be more sinful.
‘Don’t look in there’ ‘Don’t press that button’

Romans 7:4-13.
So, my brothers, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God. For when we were controlled by the sinful nature, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for death.
But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code. What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, “Do not covet.” But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death. For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good.
Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.

The law is like a light showing up our sin. It’s like a laser beam that shows that we’re kinked. It’s like a flashing blue police light that tells us something is wrong.
When presented with God’s standard, we then feel guilt and know we deserve judgement.
The Holy Spirit brings conviction of sin, righteousness, and judgment to a person’s heart. And what is the sword of the Spirit which He uses to do it, penetrating deep within us to the core of our being….….the Word of God.
We need help, a saviour, someone who can put it right. No human can surely, God is our only hope.

Galatians 3:23-25
Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law.

The answer is of course, Jesus, and putting our faith in Him.
Jesus lived a perfect life (in God’s eyes, not the Pharisees and law teacher’s eyes).
He fulfilled God’s law, completed it, and died as a perfect sacrifice for our sin.

Matthew 5:17
“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them”.

1 John 3:4-6
Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.

Jesus died in our place and took our sin, our rebellion against God and His commands.
And to establish a new covenant with us. A covenant made by His blood, that we might live our lives by the Spirit.
Once you’re forgiven, don’t try then going back to the law. The law is not for those who live by faith in Christ.
It’s not a second chance to make the same mistakes all over again……..it’s a NEW covenant……..a new way of being and of living, with God living in us.

Ephesians 2:14-18.
For he himself is our peace, who has made the two (Jews and gentiles) one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.

Our salvation doesn’t depend on us, but on Jesus and simply putting our faith in Him.

So what happens then, when we’ve put our faith in Jesus. We live by the Spirit – life in all it’s fullness.

The Spirit brings life; the flesh counts for nothing. John 6:63.

..for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. 2 Corinthians 3:6b.

Galatians 2:15-21.
“We who are Jews by birth and not `Gentile sinners’ know that a man is not justified by observing the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by observing the law, because by observing the law no one will be justified.
“If, while we seek to be justified in Christ, it becomes evident that we ourselves are sinners, does that mean that Christ promotes sin? Absolutely not! If I rebuild what I destroyed,
I prove that I am a lawbreaker. For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.
The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”

Some Christians seem to think that being a Christian means obeying the law, the 10 commandments, and when we slip up God forgives us because of Jesus. Not so !
Jesus died, to change the way we relate to God…..now as a loving Father.
To change the way we live….no longer by the law, but by the Spirit….who lives in you. It’s about a relationship of love. And to know that you are loved in that way by the God of the universe…..brings freedom.
All the things that bound us, God wants us to be free of, including trying to live up to His law. We obey God, because He loves us….and we love Him.
You listen to, and want to please, someone you really love.
And you want to spend time with them.

Which is better ?
As a parent, to put up a list of rules in the house and say to your kids, ‘Obey these rules whether I’m here or not, this is what you have to do’
Or to say, ‘I love you guys and I want to show you how much, so stick with me kids, listen, and follow my lead’
In case you’re in any doubt, it’s the second. This is how the Lord wants to be with us – not law, …..a close, constant, relationship.

You are free in Christ, …….but God wants us to use it to serve one another in love.
It’s a relationship of love – with Daddy, and with your brothers and sisters.
Some people suggest that as we grow as Christians, God leaves us to do more and more on our own – sounds okay, but I don’t believe it’s Scriptural.
When people in the Bible did things without God’s leading or strength, it was disastrous. We must become like children – a simplicity of trust and faith, that needs to deepen, not weaken. Trust in the Lord, with ALL your heart.
Living in grace. Living in the Spirit.

Romans 8:1-4.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

Galatians 5:13-23.
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbour as yourself.” If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

Life is all about love, for God and for each other.
A real, deep, practical, committed, faithful, …love….that can only come from God.
(Refer to Matthew 24:12 & Revelation 2:4).
We need to know God’s love ourselves, and be filled with God’s love to be effective for Him. Motivated by love for God and for people. And that love comes from the Holy Spirit – and letting God be Dad.

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Each year we seek to look at the subject of sex at least once, but to use a slightly different approach each time. It’s such a major issue for our society it’s vital that we don’t ignore what the Bible says. Just to warn those of you with a sensitive disposition – I’m not going to describe sexual activities in detail, but I am going to use sexual terminology a bit later on.

Why do we see an increase in STD’s, almost of epidemic proportions among young people ?
Why do we have such a high teenage pregnancy rate ?
Why are approximately 150,000 lives terminated by abortion each year in this country ?
Why is there an increase in homosexuality and bisexuality ?
Why are so many of our new laws focused on protecting the rights of people who live sexually immoral lives ?
Why is pornography now an excepted part of modern culture ?
Why is child sexual abuse increasing ?

The answer to all these questions is in Scripture.

Read Romans 1:16-32.

As people turn from God, they become more sexually immoral, because they no longer believe in moral absolutes, in a standard given by God. And there comes a point where God takes away any restraints and gives people over to it, to suffer the consequences. And we have a description of what people and their societies become like as a result.

Let’s be totally clear on this. The rapid spread of Aids for example, is a result of sin. By far the most common way it is spread is through sex. If people lived God’s way, Aids wouldn’t be an issue. Is it a judgement ? I don’t know, but it’s definitely a consequence, a result of sinful actions……that’s not to say we shouldn’t have compassion on those who have it, especially the children born with Aids because of their parents.
In Africa whole nations are potentially at risk, the problem is so bad.

The answer of course is for a nation to turn back to God and seek to live His way, and that’s what we pray for, but I want us to think more personally this morning….about our own sexuality and sexual relationships.

The Bible is clear that sexual intercourse is intended for a lifelong, heterosexual marriage relationship. We looked last week at the importance of intimacy, particularly in our relationship with God. Because sex is such an intimate action it is meant to be in a relationship of trust and commitment. If you’ve ever been in a sexual relationship which has broken up, you’ll know that it is emotionally far more painful than if you’ve just been going out with someone. The deeper and closer the relationship, the more painful the split…..which is again why a committed marriage is the place for such intimacy. A marriage where divorce is not an option.

I’m going to deal with both some marriage and singles issues this morning, but first I want to lay down some Biblical principles.
I think we would recognise the importance of love in sex. But what does that mean ?
I’m going to read the Bible’s description of love, but think about how is relates to sex.

Read 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 7.

Whether your single or married, when you think about sex it needs to be in this context.
• Sex is not about getting, it’s about giving. Not selfish, but respecting.
• Sex needs to be within God’s structure and boundaries – we are created to live a certain way.

• Sex is for procreation as well as pleasure.

• Sexual activity should be ‘natural’, in keeping with the way God made our bodies and intended us to be.

• God calls us to purity and holiness – in thought, word, and action.

• God comes first.

Okay, bearing these principles in mind, let’s move forward.

Let’s say I became sexually aware at about 10. I’m now 42 and was married at 25.
So I’ve spent 15 years of my sexual life as a single and 17 as married.
The only time I can honestly say that I was completely content with being single for any length of time, was the 6 months leading up to when I started going out with my wife. That’s being honest.
It was a constant struggle for me being single, and I remember what it was like.
What was the difference in those 6 months ?……the difference was that, I let it go….in my heart. I came to the point where I was truly and honestly prepared to remain single the rest of my life, I was even considering becoming a Franciscan monk. Not with any sense of desperation, but I had come to a point of surrender before God, where in this area, I not only said ‘You are Lord, your will be done’, but I meant it.
The sooner you come to that point as a single the happier you will be.
You do have the choice, but we hedge our bets, we hang on to our desires, and it makes us miserable.
Before I came to that point, most days I would think about sex, or who I was attracted to, or who a might go our with or marry. It was almost obsessional…….and it most definitely got in the way of my witness for Christ.
In at least three cases there were girls that God wanted me to minister to and share my faith, but because I allowed myself to also fancy them, my mind was divided, the Spirit pulling one way and my sinful nature the other, and so I was ineffective in my witness.
Be honest with yourself and God about your feelings, yes, but don’t dwell on sex or romance.
You can take up sport, keep busy to distract yourself, and so on, but ultimately the only way I know of, to effectively cope as a single person is to submit to God and stay close to Him ……and you know what, it’s actually the same for marrieds too.

What about some specific issues ?

Sex has always been a temptation, you only have to read the Bible to discover that.
We are designed to be sexually attracted, otherwise the human race would have died out long ago. We are designed to enjoy making babies too. But it’s within the right context of the marriage commitment. Which gives children the stability and security they need as they grow up.
So the temptations have always been there, for example Solomon warning his sons in Proverbs 5 to keep away from immoral women. What is different today is that in modern society, sexual immorality is promoted everywhere – advertising, television, radio, internet, papers and magazines. There’s a constant barrage, which again is why it’s so important to submit to God and stay close to Him. To put on God’s armour, to live by the Spirit so that you won’t gratify the desires of the sinful nature. And sometimes you simply need to flee from sexual immorality.
Anyone watch mythbusters ? I want to bust a myth this morning. It is possible, particularly for a Christian filled with the Holy Spirit, to keep pure and be a virgin on your wedding night.
When I married, I was physically speaking still a virgin, at 25….but I had some very close calls.
I became a Christian fairly young at 16 which helped, but there were 2 things that were important in making it to marriage as a virgin.
Firstly, I wanted to live for Jesus, I wanted to stay a virgin in the deepest part of me.
I still lusted, and wanted sex in my sinful nature, but ultimately I belonged to Jesus.
Secondly, the grace of God. God delivered me from some difficult situations, on many occasions, and kept me from making a big mistake.
Both are vital. You need to have as a deep conviction, that you will not have sex before marriage, and that you will be faithful to your wife or husband no matter what.

Coming on now to pornography and masturbation, which are not only issues for singles, but for marrieds too.
If you think as a single person that getting married is the answer to all your sexual desires, needs, and fantasies – forget it, it’s not. Most of our sexuality is selfish. The only way marriage can be successful, is to be selfless. Marriage is seeking to meet another’s needs, which may be quite different from your own.
Yes pornography is wrong, morally and ethically. Masturbation is self-centred and self focussed. On one level sin is sin. But there are sins in the Bible treated more severely than others – things which God hates and detests – and you know what, masturbation isn’t mentioned to be among them. Stuff like pride, oppressing the weak, slander, greed, witchcraft, murder, are…..and fornication….sex outside marriage, but masturbation isn’t.
The guilt from masturbation does immense damage in people’s lives, out of all proportion.
Don’t let it drag you down into a vicious circle of sin guilt and condemnation – treat it as you do any other sin, - confess, repent and live in God’s grace.
The way to take the power out of ‘secret sins’ of lust is to tell someone you trust about it. What you will usually find if they’re honest, is that most people struggle in some way, or at some time in their lives, with lust.
That’s not to excuse it……but to say your not alone. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We need to support one another in seeking to stay pure, if that’s what you want. Others of course choose a path of sexual immorality.

Single men, treat women with respect as people made in God’s image, not as sex objects, and you won’t go far wrong. Someone who pressurises another into sex, does not truly love them. Remember what love is about from 1 Corinthians 13.

Single women, don’t use sexuality to manipulate and get your way. Be sensitive about the way you dress and behave. As the Bible says dress modestly. Flirting is not helpful.

You are brothers and sisters in Christ, primarily. There won’t be sex or marriage in eternity, but you will still be brothers and sisters in Christ – so which is more important ?

I’ve spoken many times in the past about going out with or marrying non-Christians – so all I’m going to say is what’s the point in going out with someone who doesn’t share the most important thing in your life – Jesus. It’s asking for trouble. And I know sometimes the non-Christian comes to faith, but statistically it goes the other way more often I’m afraid.
God knows what He’s about, and the Bible says these things to protect you.

Coming onto marriage. Don’t pressurise each other sexually, but equally don’t hold back from your spouse.
Corinthians 7 says that your bodies belong to each other and that you should not deprive each other except by mutual consent, and then only for a time, so that you can pray together.
It’s one of those verses some people like to ignore.
What makes a person married – a lifelong commitment to one another made by promises before God and the community, and sex.
Without sex, what are you, good friends, housemates ?
Sex symbolises your oneness, two becoming one flesh and that in essence is what it’s about – a oneness, a togetherness.

Hebrews 13:4 says to keep the marriage bed pure. So what does that mean ?
Obviously don’t commit adultery, or lust after other men or women.
Have a right, loving and giving attitude towards your spouse. Seek to please them, not to be pleased. But what about specifics:

Different sexual positions – as long as both are willing I see no reason Biblically why you should not experiment with different sexual positions.

Anal intercourse. The Bible is clear about homosexuality, that both the act itself and lusting after or desiring the same sex is morally wrong. But what about anal intercourse in marriage ? Using the principles from earlier, is it natural ? Without going into detail our bodies are not made for this and it can be extremely harmful to someone’s health, so I believe it to be wrong.

Oral sex. Probably the most controversial. Commentators of Song of songs have suggested that some of the descriptive language used is referring to oral sex. It is not generally harmful. As to whether it is natural or not, that’s a matter of opinion I think. The important thing is that both husband and wife are comfortable with doing it. Never force anything on each other.

Sex aids, fetishes, dressing up, and so on. Whatever it is you might have a desire to experiment with, it needs to be mutual, and ask yourself is it natural, is it loving, and an expression of love….or is it purely pleasure seeking ? God wants us to get pleasure from sex, He made us capable of orgasm….but that is not the primary purpose of sex….it’s a bonus.
Also ask if the activity is potentially harmful to each others health – physical or mental ? Ultimately ask God ?
This may come as a shock to some married couples, but God is there when you have sex.
If you have difficulty with that, then you probably have either a faulty view of God, or a faulty view of sex.
God invented it. Shortly after creation He encouraged it – go forth and multiply, fill the earth and rule over it. Don’t separate your sex life from God, celebrate what He has given you, celebrate your wife or husband.
How do you keep the marriage bed pure ? In the same way as anything else in life – put God first, love Him with all you are, and love each other with the love that He gives.
It’s to do more with attitude rather than the way you physically make love.
And as Paul encourages, whatever you do, do it in faith. If you’re not sure if something is sinful or not, then don’t do it, for whatever is not of faith is sin.

Finally, what about when things go wrong ?

Child sex abuse causes more damage to a person’s life than pretty much anything else.
It is devastating. Without Christ, people don’t generally recover from it and it ruins their relationships and lives. Even with Christ, once someone’s acknowledged it, it can take months or years to work things through to a point of complete forgiveness and inner healing. But nothing is impossible with God and people are healed and restored.
If this is a secret you’ve kept hidden, please share it with someone who can help you. You’d be surprised how many people it effects. From my experience, at least 1 in 5 women and at least 1 in 10 men have been sexually abuse as children. Jesus can, and will deal with it, if you let Him….please don’t keep it buried inside……let it out and let Jesus bury it for you, permanently. If the Son sets you free you shall be free indeed.
Many people grow up with a distorted sexuality – perhaps because their parents never discussed sex and it was taboo, or because they were very liberal and spoke inappropriately to their children, and exposed their children to sexual imagery.
Like any other area of life we need changed thinking. Submit to God, don’t conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. In case you’re in any doubt, the world has got it wrong – don’t listen to the government, TV, teachers, magazines, the media and press generally – without God their thinking on sex is twisted and wrong.
Perhaps listening to this today you feel a failure.
Sexual sin is no worse or different than any other sin Jesus has died for.
You confess it and He takes it away….and He cleanses you from all unrighteousness.
Yes there needs to be repentance….but get things into perspective. There needs to be repentance from jealousy, from materialism and greed, from slander and gossip.
Repent and turn to God that your sin might be wiped out and times of refreshing may come from the Lord. Let go of guilt and condemnation.
Receive God’s forgiveness and by restored.

Jesus has died for ALL our sin and if we are willing to forgive, He will heal us from the effects of sin committed against us.