Each year we seek to look at the subject of sex at least once, but to use a slightly different approach each time. It’s such a major issue for our society it’s vital that we don’t ignore what the Bible says. Just to warn those of you with a sensitive disposition – I’m not going to describe sexual activities in detail, but I am going to use sexual terminology a bit later on.

Why do we see an increase in STD’s, almost of epidemic proportions among young people ?
Why do we have such a high teenage pregnancy rate ?
Why are approximately 150,000 lives terminated by abortion each year in this country ?
Why is there an increase in homosexuality and bisexuality ?
Why are so many of our new laws focused on protecting the rights of people who live sexually immoral lives ?
Why is pornography now an excepted part of modern culture ?
Why is child sexual abuse increasing ?

The answer to all these questions is in Scripture.

Read Romans 1:16-32.

As people turn from God, they become more sexually immoral, because they no longer believe in moral absolutes, in a standard given by God. And there comes a point where God takes away any restraints and gives people over to it, to suffer the consequences. And we have a description of what people and their societies become like as a result.

Let’s be totally clear on this. The rapid spread of Aids for example, is a result of sin. By far the most common way it is spread is through sex. If people lived God’s way, Aids wouldn’t be an issue. Is it a judgement ? I don’t know, but it’s definitely a consequence, a result of sinful actions……that’s not to say we shouldn’t have compassion on those who have it, especially the children born with Aids because of their parents.
In Africa whole nations are potentially at risk, the problem is so bad.

The answer of course is for a nation to turn back to God and seek to live His way, and that’s what we pray for, but I want us to think more personally this morning….about our own sexuality and sexual relationships.

The Bible is clear that sexual intercourse is intended for a lifelong, heterosexual marriage relationship. We looked last week at the importance of intimacy, particularly in our relationship with God. Because sex is such an intimate action it is meant to be in a relationship of trust and commitment. If you’ve ever been in a sexual relationship which has broken up, you’ll know that it is emotionally far more painful than if you’ve just been going out with someone. The deeper and closer the relationship, the more painful the split…..which is again why a committed marriage is the place for such intimacy. A marriage where divorce is not an option.

I’m going to deal with both some marriage and singles issues this morning, but first I want to lay down some Biblical principles.
I think we would recognise the importance of love in sex. But what does that mean ?
I’m going to read the Bible’s description of love, but think about how is relates to sex.

Read 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 7.

Whether your single or married, when you think about sex it needs to be in this context.
• Sex is not about getting, it’s about giving. Not selfish, but respecting.
• Sex needs to be within God’s structure and boundaries – we are created to live a certain way.

• Sex is for procreation as well as pleasure.

• Sexual activity should be ‘natural’, in keeping with the way God made our bodies and intended us to be.

• God calls us to purity and holiness – in thought, word, and action.

• God comes first.

Okay, bearing these principles in mind, let’s move forward.

Let’s say I became sexually aware at about 10. I’m now 42 and was married at 25.
So I’ve spent 15 years of my sexual life as a single and 17 as married.
The only time I can honestly say that I was completely content with being single for any length of time, was the 6 months leading up to when I started going out with my wife. That’s being honest.
It was a constant struggle for me being single, and I remember what it was like.
What was the difference in those 6 months ?……the difference was that, I let it go….in my heart. I came to the point where I was truly and honestly prepared to remain single the rest of my life, I was even considering becoming a Franciscan monk. Not with any sense of desperation, but I had come to a point of surrender before God, where in this area, I not only said ‘You are Lord, your will be done’, but I meant it.
The sooner you come to that point as a single the happier you will be.
You do have the choice, but we hedge our bets, we hang on to our desires, and it makes us miserable.
Before I came to that point, most days I would think about sex, or who I was attracted to, or who a might go our with or marry. It was almost obsessional…….and it most definitely got in the way of my witness for Christ.
In at least three cases there were girls that God wanted me to minister to and share my faith, but because I allowed myself to also fancy them, my mind was divided, the Spirit pulling one way and my sinful nature the other, and so I was ineffective in my witness.
Be honest with yourself and God about your feelings, yes, but don’t dwell on sex or romance.
You can take up sport, keep busy to distract yourself, and so on, but ultimately the only way I know of, to effectively cope as a single person is to submit to God and stay close to Him ……and you know what, it’s actually the same for marrieds too.

What about some specific issues ?

Sex has always been a temptation, you only have to read the Bible to discover that.
We are designed to be sexually attracted, otherwise the human race would have died out long ago. We are designed to enjoy making babies too. But it’s within the right context of the marriage commitment. Which gives children the stability and security they need as they grow up.
So the temptations have always been there, for example Solomon warning his sons in Proverbs 5 to keep away from immoral women. What is different today is that in modern society, sexual immorality is promoted everywhere – advertising, television, radio, internet, papers and magazines. There’s a constant barrage, which again is why it’s so important to submit to God and stay close to Him. To put on God’s armour, to live by the Spirit so that you won’t gratify the desires of the sinful nature. And sometimes you simply need to flee from sexual immorality.
Anyone watch mythbusters ? I want to bust a myth this morning. It is possible, particularly for a Christian filled with the Holy Spirit, to keep pure and be a virgin on your wedding night.
When I married, I was physically speaking still a virgin, at 25….but I had some very close calls.
I became a Christian fairly young at 16 which helped, but there were 2 things that were important in making it to marriage as a virgin.
Firstly, I wanted to live for Jesus, I wanted to stay a virgin in the deepest part of me.
I still lusted, and wanted sex in my sinful nature, but ultimately I belonged to Jesus.
Secondly, the grace of God. God delivered me from some difficult situations, on many occasions, and kept me from making a big mistake.
Both are vital. You need to have as a deep conviction, that you will not have sex before marriage, and that you will be faithful to your wife or husband no matter what.

Coming on now to pornography and masturbation, which are not only issues for singles, but for marrieds too.
If you think as a single person that getting married is the answer to all your sexual desires, needs, and fantasies – forget it, it’s not. Most of our sexuality is selfish. The only way marriage can be successful, is to be selfless. Marriage is seeking to meet another’s needs, which may be quite different from your own.
Yes pornography is wrong, morally and ethically. Masturbation is self-centred and self focussed. On one level sin is sin. But there are sins in the Bible treated more severely than others – things which God hates and detests – and you know what, masturbation isn’t mentioned to be among them. Stuff like pride, oppressing the weak, slander, greed, witchcraft, murder, are…..and fornication….sex outside marriage, but masturbation isn’t.
The guilt from masturbation does immense damage in people’s lives, out of all proportion.
Don’t let it drag you down into a vicious circle of sin guilt and condemnation – treat it as you do any other sin, - confess, repent and live in God’s grace.
The way to take the power out of ‘secret sins’ of lust is to tell someone you trust about it. What you will usually find if they’re honest, is that most people struggle in some way, or at some time in their lives, with lust.
That’s not to excuse it……but to say your not alone. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We need to support one another in seeking to stay pure, if that’s what you want. Others of course choose a path of sexual immorality.

Single men, treat women with respect as people made in God’s image, not as sex objects, and you won’t go far wrong. Someone who pressurises another into sex, does not truly love them. Remember what love is about from 1 Corinthians 13.

Single women, don’t use sexuality to manipulate and get your way. Be sensitive about the way you dress and behave. As the Bible says dress modestly. Flirting is not helpful.

You are brothers and sisters in Christ, primarily. There won’t be sex or marriage in eternity, but you will still be brothers and sisters in Christ – so which is more important ?

I’ve spoken many times in the past about going out with or marrying non-Christians – so all I’m going to say is what’s the point in going out with someone who doesn’t share the most important thing in your life – Jesus. It’s asking for trouble. And I know sometimes the non-Christian comes to faith, but statistically it goes the other way more often I’m afraid.
God knows what He’s about, and the Bible says these things to protect you.

Coming onto marriage. Don’t pressurise each other sexually, but equally don’t hold back from your spouse.
Corinthians 7 says that your bodies belong to each other and that you should not deprive each other except by mutual consent, and then only for a time, so that you can pray together.
It’s one of those verses some people like to ignore.
What makes a person married – a lifelong commitment to one another made by promises before God and the community, and sex.
Without sex, what are you, good friends, housemates ?
Sex symbolises your oneness, two becoming one flesh and that in essence is what it’s about – a oneness, a togetherness.

Hebrews 13:4 says to keep the marriage bed pure. So what does that mean ?
Obviously don’t commit adultery, or lust after other men or women.
Have a right, loving and giving attitude towards your spouse. Seek to please them, not to be pleased. But what about specifics:

Different sexual positions – as long as both are willing I see no reason Biblically why you should not experiment with different sexual positions.

Anal intercourse. The Bible is clear about homosexuality, that both the act itself and lusting after or desiring the same sex is morally wrong. But what about anal intercourse in marriage ? Using the principles from earlier, is it natural ? Without going into detail our bodies are not made for this and it can be extremely harmful to someone’s health, so I believe it to be wrong.

Oral sex. Probably the most controversial. Commentators of Song of songs have suggested that some of the descriptive language used is referring to oral sex. It is not generally harmful. As to whether it is natural or not, that’s a matter of opinion I think. The important thing is that both husband and wife are comfortable with doing it. Never force anything on each other.

Sex aids, fetishes, dressing up, and so on. Whatever it is you might have a desire to experiment with, it needs to be mutual, and ask yourself is it natural, is it loving, and an expression of love….or is it purely pleasure seeking ? God wants us to get pleasure from sex, He made us capable of orgasm….but that is not the primary purpose of sex….it’s a bonus.
Also ask if the activity is potentially harmful to each others health – physical or mental ? Ultimately ask God ?
This may come as a shock to some married couples, but God is there when you have sex.
If you have difficulty with that, then you probably have either a faulty view of God, or a faulty view of sex.
God invented it. Shortly after creation He encouraged it – go forth and multiply, fill the earth and rule over it. Don’t separate your sex life from God, celebrate what He has given you, celebrate your wife or husband.
How do you keep the marriage bed pure ? In the same way as anything else in life – put God first, love Him with all you are, and love each other with the love that He gives.
It’s to do more with attitude rather than the way you physically make love.
And as Paul encourages, whatever you do, do it in faith. If you’re not sure if something is sinful or not, then don’t do it, for whatever is not of faith is sin.

Finally, what about when things go wrong ?

Child sex abuse causes more damage to a person’s life than pretty much anything else.
It is devastating. Without Christ, people don’t generally recover from it and it ruins their relationships and lives. Even with Christ, once someone’s acknowledged it, it can take months or years to work things through to a point of complete forgiveness and inner healing. But nothing is impossible with God and people are healed and restored.
If this is a secret you’ve kept hidden, please share it with someone who can help you. You’d be surprised how many people it effects. From my experience, at least 1 in 5 women and at least 1 in 10 men have been sexually abuse as children. Jesus can, and will deal with it, if you let Him….please don’t keep it buried inside……let it out and let Jesus bury it for you, permanently. If the Son sets you free you shall be free indeed.
Many people grow up with a distorted sexuality – perhaps because their parents never discussed sex and it was taboo, or because they were very liberal and spoke inappropriately to their children, and exposed their children to sexual imagery.
Like any other area of life we need changed thinking. Submit to God, don’t conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. In case you’re in any doubt, the world has got it wrong – don’t listen to the government, TV, teachers, magazines, the media and press generally – without God their thinking on sex is twisted and wrong.
Perhaps listening to this today you feel a failure.
Sexual sin is no worse or different than any other sin Jesus has died for.
You confess it and He takes it away….and He cleanses you from all unrighteousness.
Yes there needs to be repentance….but get things into perspective. There needs to be repentance from jealousy, from materialism and greed, from slander and gossip.
Repent and turn to God that your sin might be wiped out and times of refreshing may come from the Lord. Let go of guilt and condemnation.
Receive God’s forgiveness and by restored.

Jesus has died for ALL our sin and if we are willing to forgive, He will heal us from the effects of sin committed against us.